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Stories written with unexpected anticipaton.

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Unexpected Writings » THE CREATIONS » Poets » where did our love go??

where did our love go??

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1 where did our love go?? on Fri Jan 08, 2010 5:46 pm

kaylee


I thought you loved me,
but where did it all go?
you left without warning me
and know im all alone
when i see you now
i see her with you to
you have moved on
yes i know that
but i want to moved on too
but somthing is holding me back
and i think its our love
or the love i thought we had
i wish everything was still the same
but i guess we have both changed
i really want our love back
but will it every be the same??


i just felt an urge to write a poem its my first one so i love would some constructive criticism. positive or negative i would love to know.

2 Re: where did our love go?? on Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:03 pm

golden07

avatar
Admin
I really like this poem.
Love can make a person come
to a halt and its a nice expression.
There are a few things though
that I thought would open the poem up a little more. Nothing
much I added, but read yours then read the revised
one and tell me what you think.

I thought you loved me,
but where did it all go?
you left without warning me
and now im all alone
when i see you now
i see her with you to
you have moved on
but why cant i too
is somthing holding me back
from all the years which seemed we were right on track
i think its our love
or the love i thought we had
i wish everything was still the same
but i guess we have both changed
i really want our love back
but will it every be the same??

Either way I like the poem. Keep it up...
Definately wanna read more from you



Last edited by golden07 on Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:24 pm; edited 1 time in total


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3 Re: where did our love go?? on Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:21 pm

kaylee


thanks so much for the adivce
i like what you did with it too
when i write some more i will add them

4 Re: where did our love go?? on Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:25 pm

golden07

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You are very welcome...
Can't wait for more Smile


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5 Re: where did our love go?? on Mon Jan 11, 2010 8:01 am

SexyT

avatar
I love writting poems
to express myself
and urz is good...
Something i do when writting
is letting it come all at one and writting it down the way i thought of it
then i read it over and over to shorten it fix the phrases up until
I come up with something i'm proud off..

Urz is really good
and Janae fixed it up great...
Really good expression!


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6 Re: where did our love go?? on Mon Jan 11, 2010 10:29 pm

kaylee


thanks
i like all ur poems on here too there really good

7 Re: where did our love go?? on Mon Jan 11, 2010 10:42 pm

SexyT

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Aww thanks Kaylee!!! Embarassed


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